Decisions
by hollie-x
Summary: Basically my version of the Dublin spoilers, the way I want it to pan out :)
1. Chapter 1

**New to fan fictions, so bear with me if it's crap.**

**I don't own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks blah blah blah.**

'He's gone love, you've just missed him.' Cheryl's words still ringing in Ste's ears. He didn't even know what he wanted to say to Brendan. What could you say to somebody you couldn't help but love? How would the words come out? 'Yeah hi I know you beat me for god knows how many months of our so called relationship but I love you?

'What do you mean he's gone? Gone where?' Ste said to

'Ireland. He said something about he couldn't handle seeing it. I'm not really sure what 'it' was and I can't really say I care to be honest. Good riddance I say.'

Ste smiled that awkward smile he tended to do when he didn't have a response. He wasn't the sort of lad who liked to slag anyone off. At least not the moustached man he had fell deeply back in love with again. He had just made the most stupid decision of his life less than a week earlier, marrying somebody for the sheer sake of it. Comfort, just to have somebody in his arms. He hated being lonely, did Ste. He just wanted somebody to cuddle up to on cold winter night and Doug seemed to fit that bill. Yet 30 minutes before this conversation with Cheryl he'd just made possibly the best decision of his life. Leaving Doug.

'Oh...right... So he aint coming back?

'Doesn't seem it, one way tickets tend not to have a return slip with them.'

Ste didn't even respond to Cheryl's comment. He could feel his eyes starting to well up before she'd even finished.

Running into the dead of the night, Ste couldn't help but feel like he'd just made a complete prat of himself. Sure, he knew him and Doug (Stug as Doug stupidly liked to call them) would never be together in 50 years time growing old but really... would Brendan really just be happy about being gay? Finally admitting it? Holding him in his arms with people walking around them. No of course he wouldn't...

Looking at his mobile phone Ste saw the time. 04.21.

'Must have drifted off'

Brendan was still on his mind. He would never leave his mind. Never. Everything in the village reminded him of his one true love. For example, the alley way. He remembered the time him and Brendan were a bit worse for wear one icy, winter night and they both fell on top of each other on the ice. The time on the stairs, were once again after a drunken night, Brendan more or less dragged up him to his flat to have his wicked way with him. And now here was Ste, yet again drunk making a life changing decision.

'I'm doing it. I'm going to Ireland!'

Getting his laptop out Ste decided to take the plunge. Typing into the search engine. R-Y-A-N-A-I-R.

*5 minutes later*

Your tickets are confirmed. Leaving Liverpool airport 1.20pm December 15th 2012.

The sun shone through the huge, glass panel window in the deli that himself and Doug had set up together less than a year before. Ste felt a tad sick, looking over to his left and seeing a dozen beer bottles scattered on the floor and thereafter looking to his right and seeing his laptop window still open on the Ryan Air webpage. Looking to the corner of the screen and noticing the time was 11.52am.

*Knock Knock Knock*

'Ste? Ste? It's Cheryl. Open up will you love'

Pacing over to the door Ste saw his curly, blonde haired best friend smiling sensitively back at him.

'Er alright Cheryl?'

'Yep I'm good, can't say the same about you. Where did you rush off to last night? Was beginning to think it was something I said'

'It was' Ste replied. He was never usually rude to her but he couldn't help it. He knew Brendan was trying his best to change, especially for his little sister.

'You're still drunk love aren't you? Forget Brendan okay. His probably on Ha'penny bridge now. Hopefully he jumps off it...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

'Look Cheryl. I know you two have had your differences alright? I know that. But you don't need to say bad things about Brendan around me. You ain't putting me off if that's what you're trying to do. In fact I'm going to Dublin right this second, so thank you for that little piece of information as to wear Brendan may be. I shall take that with me on me travels.' Ste says as he kisses Cheryl on the cheek.

'I'm speechless Ste, honestly I'm speechless.

Ste had never been to Dublin before. He'd been promised that he would go when he and Brendan were alone in bed together two years ago.

'I'll show you the sites Steven.'

'Can I meet ya family? Pleaseeeeeeee'

'Maybe. Some of them'

All of which were broken promises, but it was for real this time. He was getting braver as he got older and decided that he should hop across the pond and reclaim his prize before it was too late. That was his fear actually, before it was too late. He literally had 40minutes to check in his cases and get to the gate. Can you even check in 40 minutes before?

'Cutting it fine here Sir aren't you? The lady on the desk asked

'A little yeah, had to decide which clothes I wanted to bring. Didn't want to look like a tramp in Dublin did I? Ste stated back.

_All Passengers boarding the 1.20 flight to Dublin to gate 2 please. Thats all 1.20 Dublin passengers to gate 2._

Ste literally could not stop smiling. He was going to Dublin. Little old Steven Hay off to Dublin. All by himself. He couldn't remember the last time he got on a plane.

*50 minutes later*

The flight was smooth, and Ste had collected his suitcase. He didn't even know how long he was going to be in Ireland for but looking at his suitcase you'd think he'd permanently moved here. Dublin isn't the smallest of places, Ste honestly thought it would be easy to find a tall man with a dark brown moustache walking around Dublin in his trademark suit. How wrong was he. Firstly he went to the Ha'penny Bridge that Cheryl was talking about - lots of people but nobody that he wanted.

'This would look beautiful at night' Ste thought to himself, letting out a little smile.

Next stop was the main street in Dublin, full of bars and people drinking Guiness. Walking along there was one man that caught his eye. The one and only Double B.

Ste didn't even say anything to Brendan, literally just sat on the chair facing him. He wasn't sure what he expected. A smile at least, but no. No emotion on Brendan's face. None what so ever. Had Ste made another stupid mistake in his 22 years of living?


	3. Chapter 3

'What you doing here Steven?'

Steven. He always got a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when Brendan called him that. He was literally the only person Ste knew that insisted on using his full name.

'Why do you call me Steven?'

'It's your name isn't it? Now answer my question'

'I don't know to be honest, I spose I thought you'd be..I dunno. Happy to see me? Just a bit?'

'Can't say I'm not, but I don't understand. I left Hollyoaks to let you have a shot with Doug. Me lurking, gotta be honest. Was a bit weird. But now you and Doug are married...'

'We're not.. well yeah I spose we are. But yeah. Not anymore

'You know what Steven. You always make such perfect sense. I question your nationality sometimes.'

There it was. The witty banter Brendan was famous for.

Ste looked up to Brendan with the bright blue eyes that Brendan stared into the first time they kissed. 'I ended it'

'Why?'

'Can't you see Bren? I feel the same. I feel the same way you do. I know you've been flirting with me for ages. I know you still want me. I know it hurt you seeing me all lovey-dovey with Doug'

'Steven' Brendan let out a gasp of breath. 'Please don't'

Ste reached over the table to touch Brendan's hand, which surprisingly he didn't move away. 'I want you, Brendan. I want you.'

'Two pints of Guiness for you Sir' said the Barman

Brendan quickly removed his hand from Ste's grasp, too which Ste was obviously expecting to happen. 'I'm no good for you. You deserve better. Somebody who doesn't hurt you, make you feel like complete and utter shit. Now please just go back to Hollyoaks. You listen to me. You say to Doug you made a mistake. You were drunk, confused I don't know. And you say to him you love him. Nobody ever comes close. You got that?'

'No...I can't. Please Brendan can we just be together?' Ste was starting to cry now. All this trouble, money and pain was getting thrown back in his face. So much for a romantic gesture.

'Steven. Fuck off okay? Leave me alone. I'm happy here. You're happy there. It's best if you don't contact me again'

Ste refused to move. It was almost like he was stuck to the chair. His feeling were stuck to the chair and his emotions were getting the better of him. He was almost acting like a child now who wasn't getting his own way. Acting like his own children.

'You know what Steven, if you don't go then I will'

And with that Brendan walked away, out of Steven's life. Forever.


	4. Chapter 4

Ste was heartbroken. Did he just dream all that. Did Brendan really just knock him back? All those months of looking after him, signing the Deli over to him, being prepared to take a bullet for him, even trying to kiss him and now he's saying he doesn't care?! Unbelieveable.

Ste put on his favourite trousers. They were grey, tight but really comfy and almost felt like pyjama bottoms. He always used to wear them whenever he felt down, beaten and just generally complete and utter shit. He felt like shit now. Cheryl telling him she hopes Brendan jumped off the bridge. Ste felt like doing it himself, but then his thoughts darted back to his children.

Leah had always loved Brendan. Sure, she was scared at first, who wouldn't be? Moustaches weren't exactly seen everywhere you went but she sure loved him. He always brought her new toys when he came round to see 'Daddy.'

*Back to Brendan*

Brendan had lied. Of course he wanted Steven. More than anything in the world. He would probably even somehow be able to show affection in public some day. Not just any bloke, just the one he loved with all his heart. He'd only said those words to Ste once before, just before they made love on the floor of his flat. But yet again he'd ruined that when his ex-wife caught them snogging against the sofa. He denied anything was happening between them, even if it was obvious it was. That was the last straw for Steven. He refused to ever have anything to do with Brendan again. So why had he come back basically begging for another chance at happiness?

'I need to see him' Brendan thought.

Rushing to the nearest hotel he asked the lady at the desk if she knew anything about Steven.

'Left about half an hour ago dear'

Oh god. Where was he? Brendan couldn't let him get on that plane. Steven was right. Brendan did want him. Now more than ever. Not just sexually, even though that would be amazing. He just wanted to hold him close and never let him go ever again. He wanted that more than anything.

Brendan thought he must look like a psycho running through the streets of Dublin. He didn't care who saw him either. Checking all the bars. No sign. Even went to the airport and more or less threatened the man on the desk to reveal whether or not Steven had checked in. He hadn't. Brendan thought that was a bonus in itself.

Running back through the main streets, he looked up at ha'penny bridge. It looked lovely. He wondered if Ste was on there. He thought it was worth a shot. Looking into the distance there was his boy, looking down into the water like a lost child, desperate to find his family with a blank expression on his face.

Ste turned round and didn't know what to think...


	5. Chapter 5

'Thought you said all you wanted to say' Ste was the first to start the conversation off.

'Not exactly' Brendan responded. 'You were right. I'm a coward. I actually don't care who knows anymore. If you want me then I've got no problems with that.

'Brendan, I'm not bothered anymore. You still won't admit it. You won't admit you ain't straight.. and...'

'I LOVE STEVEN FRIKKING HAY!'

'Hehehe Brendan shut up will you? You're so embarassing' Steven said between laughs.

'I don't care who knows. I love ye. I honestly love ye. Always have, always will. You're my everything. You make me strong and realise my mistakes in my past. You guide me through my life. Every minute of the day I think of you, wonder what you're up to. You're my world Steven. You're my world'

Brendan was starting to break down now and cry. Steven had never seen him cry before.

Brendan reached up his hand to Ste's neck. Gazed into his eyes and kissed him. Kissed him, in view of all the passers by on the bridge.

'Bren..' Ste whispered

'Mhm?'

'I love you too. I might not have noticed for a few months. I actually don't how I didn't notice. You were more or less bordering on being a stalker.'

'Oi! I was just looking out for this sexy man I know who is actually wearing the tightest trousers I've ever seen in my life'

'You can talk! I can almost see an outline! Are you pleased to see me?

'I am. But before you get all horny on me and run back to my flat there's something I want to do.'

'What's that Brady?'

Brendan pulled out a lock, nothing special just a lock from a local hardware store. Grabbing a pen he wrote on the front of it Brendan & Steven 4ever.

'Not gonna lock me to the bridge are ya?'

'Stop being kinky you. Don't tell me you didn't notice all these locks around you. You write your name of you and your girlfriend..or boyfriend'

'Oo is that what I am now?'

'If your good I might call you my boyfriend' Brendan said letting out a wink. 'Anyway yeah you write on it, put it on the bridge and lock it and throw the key in the river. Symbolises your love and all that'

'That is actually so cute. You know what Brendan. You've changed. I love the new Brendan more than the old one. Can we go to your flat now please? I want to show you some new tricks I've learnt.'

'Sounds good to me'

Ste put his hands in his pockets. Dublin was always cold in the winter.

'Steven?' Brendan questioned.

'Yeah?'

'You do realise what people do in relationships don't you?

'What do you mean?' Ste asked

Brendan grabbed his lover's hand from his pocket.

'This.' Brendan took hold of Ste's hand

'You're going to walk along this road, everybody looking at you holding my hand?' Ste queried

'Yep, cos I'm a proud boyfriend right now. My sexy cheshire boy

'I love you Brendan Brady'

'I love you Ste Hay' Brendan replied, kissing Ste once more.

***This is the end of my first ever Stendan Fic. This is how I hope all the Dublin episodes with plan out. Hope you enjoyed!***


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